life is a collection of stories; consist of hope and desperation, love and hate, prayer and curse, fight and let go all at once.
life can change as fast as a blink of an eye but as major as an earthquake.
most of the times, life changes without warning. the question is: are we ready?
we are not ready for most of the time.
but we have to.
my life has changed. since my dad got sick.
bad way or good way, there is no clear answer. all i know is, it's just a clear blend between those two. and all i have to do is just get ready because life doesn't wait for me.
getting ready....
since life changes faster than we know, sometimes when a big event comes to us, we are not ready. and when we are finally ready, life is already one step ahead of us. can we go one step ahead of life? maybe.
when life is too bitter, we cry. we shout. we are blaming everything for the things that must happen to us.
when life is really, really rude to me, i cry. only to myself, only between my fingers writing or typing. and then i feel a little better, but my heart still hurts.
most of the time i could be tough. i cry for a sad cliche drama more than i cry for misfortune in my life. yeah, i'm very softhearted for the kind of touching drama, or touching story, or a story about human saving dogs when the dogs are about to be gone.
when i cry, it only means that the lesson life gives me at the moment is too hard to handle, though that doesn't mean i give up. when i cry, it's when i feel too disappointed over something.
cry doesn't mean you are weak. never looked sad doesn't mean you can't get offended. life is not that absolute.
people who are really, really close to me know about one or two things going on in my life.
some strangers who happen to know the very matter of my life are blessings to me. they are the doctor, caretaker, therapist, prayer leader (from any religion) that take care of my dad.
these close people of my life always encourage me to "never lose the faith", to "let go", and to "believe that miracle exist". i really appreciate that eventhough i think like how three things are a contradiction to each other.
it's not that i never lost my faith. I lose my faith times to times, only that i always regain it.
it's not that i never let go. I let God gives the best for my dad eventhough it means to be ready to letting go. I let go and can't let go.
it's not that i don't believe miracle does exist. i believe it so much but i gotta be realistic too. i can't just hold on to a miracle. what privilege as a human do i have until i deserve to get a miracle? i don't know. only God knows.
